| As Father and Uncle Crimbo had done on previous Crimbos, Linnea gave each adventurer in the Kingdom an advent calendar, to mark the days leading up to Crimbo Day. Most of the prizes inside the calendar were typically twisted variants on Crimbo goodies, but adventurers also found a mysterious chocolate lump behind one of the calendar's doors.
When an adventurer ate the lump, they were visited in their dreams by Marley's ghost. To the strains of reggae music, Marley informed them that "I and I be wearing the chains I forged in life," and that the Spirits of Crimbo were conspiring to get Uncle Crimbo back. Through successive dreams, the adventurer was transported to Crimbo Way, Way Past, Crimbo Right-About-Now, and Crimbo in the Not-Too-Distant Future. In each Crimbo, adventurers had to find clues to assemble three powerful totems that would remind Uncle Crimbo who he was: a cigar, a plate of franks and beans, and a flask of peppermint schnapps.
The overall effect was, again, oddly familiar.
Anyway, Uncle Crimbo regained his memory with the help of his three totems, and he came back to banish Linnea, set up his mobile home in Crimbo Town again, and distribute presents to all adventurers (though they seemed to be the kind of presents one finds in the airport gift shop of an uncharted desert isle). Crimbo also discovered that Linnea's minions made toys just as well as the elves did, and without any of the whining and carrying on.
Eventually, the elves came trickling back into Crimbo Town, having failed in various ways to make a living elsewhere in the Kingdom. Uncle Crimbo was happy to take them back, provided they agreed to reduced benefits and longer working hours.
So all was well in Crimbo Town. Well, the elves were disappointed at having to keep working as slave labor for Uncle Crimbo. For that matter, Uncle Crimbo was disappointed that he was stuck micromanaging elves again, instead of relaxing on a desert island. Moreover, Linnea was disappointed that Uncle Crimbo was rescued, because she was actually enjoying Crimboween. Now that I think about it, I suppose Crimboween was a disappointment for just about everyone.
Except, of course, for the lucky adventurers who got to experience Crimbo's distant past, troubled present, and ominous future. Who could be disappointed in a vision of the future that included assimilation by a race of alien cyborgs?
Part I : The Story Thus Far
Part II : The Elfretariat
Part III : The Halloween Incident
Part IV : Crimboween
Part V : Where in Time is Uncle Crimbo?
Part VI : Once You Go Blackstory, You Never Go Backstory
Part VII : A Polyhedral Harbinger
Part VIII : Rise of the Crimborg
Part VIIII : A Black and White Crimbo
Part X : One More Indecent Accident
Part XI : Of CRIMBCO and Hobos
Part XII : I Want Candy
Part XIII : Dreaming of a KAWAIIII Crimbo
Part XIV : Cyborg Bears? Sure Why Not
Part XV : Factory Complexities
Part XVI : A Tale of Two Things That Happened documentation home |