Billions of years ago, on the lifeless planet that would eventually house the Kingdom in all its multi-faceted glory, lightning struck a primordial soup of chemicals, causing the chemicals to begin to organize themselves into a single-celled organism.

Okay, maybe that's too far back. In between the striking-elf Crimbo and the Crimboween Crimbo, the Council of Loathing noticed that many of the adventurers of Loathing had vast stores of wealth and nothing upon which to spend it. They also were under considerable pressure from the Loathing Association of Amateur Astronomers, Astrologers, and Meteorology Enthusiasts, or LAAAAME, to build an observatory with which LAAAAME could observe the cosmos and further Loathing's scientific research. The Council decreed that a stately pleasure dome -- sorry, no, that an observatory be built, and sponged donations off of all the adventurers of Loathing to build it.

After that, the Council continued to wring meat from the populace to upgrade the telescope's lenses, enabling finer and more far-flung observation. In order to make the donors feel like they got something for their meat, LAAAAME invited the public in to peer through the telescope at celestial bodies, or just watch the Naughty Sorceress undress (speaking of heavenly bodies -- yowza!). This performed the dual function of making the citizenry feel involved in the project as something other than a cash cow, and of letting the astronomers goof off while ordinary adventurers did their work for them.

One of the celestial objects that the astronomers discovered was a comet that was on a collision course with Grimace, one of Loathing's two moons. The comet eventually struck Grimace and ricocheted. After that, due to the delicately intertwined laws of physics, quantum mechanics, and irony, the comet landed directly on top of the LAAAAME Observatory, destroying it utterly.

At the same time, a chunk of Grimace, knocked loose by the comet, fell to the Kingdom and landed in the desert as a hunk of radioactive Grimacite.

At that point, the Penguin Mafia -- never ones to pass up an opportunity for grand larceny and extortion legitimate business enterprise -- appropriated the Grimacite meteorite, and begin to fashion it into various pieces of Grimacite gear. They erected a raffle house on the site of the old Observatory to raffle off the gear they made. If anyone suffered ill effects from wearing radioactive space rock, the penguins quickly silenced any complaints with a swift kneecapping-stick-to-the-kneecaps.

All of which was, of course, fascinating, but has less to do with the story so far as does the next part.

Part I : The Story Thus Far
Part II : The Elfretariat
Part III : The Halloween Incident
Part IV : Crimboween
Part V : Where in Time is Uncle Crimbo?
Part VI : Once You Go Blackstory, You Never Go Backstory
Part VII : A Polyhedral Harbinger
Part VIII : Rise of the Crimborg
Part VIIII : A Black and White Crimbo
Part X : One More Indecent Accident
Part XI : Of CRIMBCO and Hobos
Part XII : I Want Candy
Part XIII : Dreaming of a KAWAIIII Crimbo
Part XIV : Cyborg Bears? Sure Why Not
Part XV : Factory Complexities
Part XVI : A Tale of Two Things That Happened